“Lebron’s Not The GOAT. Jordan Is 6-0 In The Finals, And Did The Dishes Too,” Says Lebron’s Wife, Savannah Brinson

This past Sunday, The Los Angeles Lakers defeated the Miami Heat 4-2, resulting in Lakers superstar Lebron James’s 4th title. This has reignited debates as to whether or not James finally deserves to be crowned the Greatest of All Time (G.O.A.T.) over Michael Jordan. But, in a shocking turn of events, Lebron’s own wife, Savannah Brinson, has spoken out in defense of Jordan. 

“Jordan played in a tougher league,” said Brinson, “And by the way, he probably wouldn’t forget to take out the damn trash all the time”

Like much of the media, Brinson was unrelenting in her criticism of James.

“Ugh where do I even begin. How can you trust him to take the last shot when he can’t even get Bronny off that damn phone at the dinner table.” 

Many NBA analysts have also heavily criticized Lebron for his poor performance during the 2011 NBA finals, a series that earned him a reputation for being “mentally soft.” Lebron has since gone on to dominate every finals series he’s been in, but Lebron’s harshest critic, his 5 year old daughter Zhuri James, has not forgotten 2011.

“My dad’s soft as hell,” Zhuri complained. “I have to call Paul Pierce anytime I need someone to check if there’s a monster under my bed, and he cried during Finding Nemo.”

“Jordan would never,” she huffed

At press time, although advanced statistics show that Lebron has been one of the most clutch players in NBA history, Brinson was still critical of Lebron’s crunch-time performances. “My husband manages to choke during the 2008, 2010, 2014 and 2018 playoffs, but he can’t choke me in bed? What a joke.”

– BS ’23, NS ’23