Dartmouth Students Undergo “Life-Changing” Spiritual Transformations Atop Gile Fire Tower

Fall is in full swing here in Hanover, which means Dartmouth students are flocking to Gile Mountain to catch a glimpse of the area’s peak foliage. For some, the fire tower hike provides a breath of fresh air and a nice photo-op. For others, the scenery is life-changing.

In fact, Shelby Sanders ’24 claims to have experienced a spiritual awakening on top of the fire tower just last week. “I’d never felt so alive,” she exclaimed. “Capturing the perfect selfie is such a rush. It, like, changes you. Oh, and the trees were pretty too. Should I buy Tevas?”

Noah Anderson ’21 also claims he experienced a spiritual awakening at Gile last week. “I know that girl Shelby said the fire tower changed her, but she was just up there for the lighting. What a goddamn poser,” he said. Anderson, who didn’t take any photos, explained, “It wasn’t a big deal, but I went phone-less on the hike. Somewhere along the way, I became one with our planet.” In recent days, he’s been encouraging classmates to join him in his boycott of indoor washrooms.

Despite the inspiring transformations of Sanders and Anderson, it might be Kelly Walker ’23 who has been most profoundly affected by her Gile experience. On Tuesday evening, she took in the view for the first time. Twelve hours later, she was camped out at the base of the tower with an assault rifle, threatening to shoot anyone who tried to climb the stairs. When asked to describe her spiritual awakening, Walker scowled, remarking, “I saw something up there, something nobody else has ever seen. Shelby, Noah, they’ll never understand the power of this place. Nobody will. So I have to protect it from being underappreciated.”

Sanders was then asked what she saw, to which she responded by sending several warning shots into the air. “Get out of here before I put a bullet in your dog,” she warned.

-AR ’23