“Dartmouth Is Being Way Too Strict,” Says Student After Going On Solo Walk With 12 People

Although the rapid spread of COVID-19 has forced many colleges like Stanford University to close their doors to students, Dartmouth College has managed to put together elaborate plans to safely bring students back to campus but with heavy restrictions — restrictions that some students argue are simply too strict.

“It’s ridiculous, there’s literally nothing to do,” said Emma Blankenship ’23. “The only thing we’re allowed to do is go for walks alone, so me and everyone in my close-friends group chat have been going on walks together to pass the time.” When asked how many people are in the group chat, Emma could not recall if it had “more or less than 12 people” in it. “Don’t worry, we all make sure to stay on the sidewalk and keep six feet of distance between us on our walks,” she assured reporters. An SNS officer who claims to have seen the group walking on several occasions said he is “waiting for the right time” to ensure the group’s walks are in accordance with campus’s safety protocols.

Other students have managed to find ways to keep in touch with their friends while staying indoors. “Yeah, I think once quarantine is over you’re allowed to have like two people in your dorm, so me and four other buddies have been chilling at our boy’s room everyday after class these past few days,” explained pre-med hopeful Chris Nguyen ’24. The Head of Health and Safety confirmed that all students campus-wide were still well under quarantine.

At press time, other students confessed to “hanging out” in common rooms, visiting students off-campus, and “just straight up saying fuck it.”

-DC ’23