I Am So Glad CVS Locks Plan B In Large Plastic Boxes, So It Does Not Escape

I am so glad CVS locks Plan B in large plastic boxes. This may make people less comfortable as they seek essential healthcare, but it is worth it. Now that Plan B is locked away, finally I am Safe from It.

Menstruators might feel embarrassed when asking a cashier to unlock a box or walking around with a large item impossible to subtly put in a shopping cart as mainstream society perpetuates the idea that promiscuity in feminine bodies makes them inferior. But Menstruators make a worthy sacrifice. Now, Plan B doesn’t get out at night. If They were free, Plan B pills would merge into One. I shudder to think of how They would jam the pipes and wander Main Street like an unstoppable sentient tumbleweed.

Plan B is locked not only to stop Them from becoming One, but because it costs $40-50. It costs this much for a local witch to bless Them, as a second safety measure, to prevent them from Combining.

Sometimes the pharmacist will forget to mention that Plan B loses efficacy for people over 165 pounds and stops working for those over 175 pounds. Naturally, doctors who care about those people’s health would want to create contraception that works for anyone who needs it, but then Plan B would be too Powerful. As a side effect of working for all uterus-having people, Plan B would be able to serve It better, clogging pipes in a twenty mile radius and leaving them with noxious Ooze.

We can not reprimand the pharmacist: they must unlock it with the delicacy of moving a Rat into a Snake’s cage, never risking that Plan B might become Free.

Why would CVS ask these sacrifices of contraceptive-using people, if not to keep us Safe?

-SL ’22