Secret Societies Bad At Being Secret

Due to their thinly veiled “initiation” tasks on social media this week, it has become overwhelmingly apparent that secret Senior Societies are really bad at keeping themselves secret. Sources show that every single Dartmouth student with an Instagram account and a brain has basically figured out who everyone got tapped by already, and it wasn’t even hard.

One student, Liza Barnum ’23 commented on remote tapping and initiation procedures saying, “I mean, I looked through the names of all of the societies on Wikipedia for like fifteen minutes this morning, so it became clear pretty quickly why a bunch of women in my feed were all making puns about ‘rising from the ashes’: there is literally a society about a phoenix.”

According to Office of Greek Life representative Gregory Poole, “Many of Dartmouth’s Senior Societies are secret. Secret means don’t tell anyone.” However, for members of these societies there are often many conflicting interests at play. “For instance,” Poole continued, “On one hand, many students want to show off their new, selective club membership, but on the other hand, there is doing the thing the thing was made to do.”

Joshua Larson ’22, who may or may not have been tapped by a secret society, offered, unprompted, to comment on the situation. “Alright so yeah I’ve been posting a lot about Egypt and the pyramids, right? But that doesn’t mean anything. I wouldn’t say it bothers me per se when people ask if I was tapped by Sphinx. But what really bothers me is the fact that if I were hypothetically tapped by Sphinx, there would be no way for me to tell anyone.”

After leaving the interview, Larson headed towards the Alumni Gym. At this time, he updated his Instagram story, in which he added eight different stickers of human-lion hybrids on top of a video of him asking his followers three riddles.

-OG ’22 & BD ’22