“Zoom Class is Hard,” Complains Student Browsing Instagram in Lecture

Frank Park ’24, who spends his lectures browsing through Instagram, complains that Dartmouth’s Zoom classes are too hard. “I just don’t think it’s fair,” said Park, still scrolling. “Professors assign way too much homework without considering that I’d rather scroll through Twitter instead.” Indeed, observing Park during lectures revealed that he paid attention up until the 5 minute mark, where he decided that he could passively intake the lecture while scrolling through Instagram to “give his fingers something to do.” By the 6:15 mark he was fully engrossed in examining NBA players’ latest outfits, and by the 6:30 mark he had shut off his camera so his professor wouldn’t notice that Park had completely tuned him out and abandoned all pretense of paying any attention at all. According to Park, this study method is completely uncorrelated to the C+ on his midterms. At press time, Park was furious that the final was only three hours long, which left no time at all for his 30 minute browse-Tik-Tok break.

-NS ’23