Critic Review: FoCo Napkins Kinda Bland

Don’t get me wrong — I’m not complaining. Overall, I’m very satisfied with the FoCo dining experience. We’re tremendously lucky to have such a dedicated dining staff. But I feel the need to voice what we’re all thinking — FoCo napkins taste kinda bland.

For me and many of my peers, getting a hearty breakfast is a crucially important component of a productive and fulfilling day. So there’s nothing quite as frustrating as sinking your teeth into a chunk of what you hope will be a scrumptious napkin, only to be met with FoCo’s poor excuse for a “napkin.” I don’t know about you, but I want FoCo napkins to leave my mouth watering in anticipation for lunch. I want FoCo napkins to leave me yearning for another succulent mouthful of napkin. I want gustatory ecstasy.

Look. I know what you’re thinking. Another spoiled rich kid complaining that FoCo’s napkins taste bland. I know how blessed Dartmouth students are. God knows, my high school’s napkins tasted terrible! But an educational institution with a 5.7 billion dollar endowment should be serving napkins just as good as the ones granny used to make (if that’s even possible!). Frankly, it’s ridiculous that I’m paying more than $50,000 a year for napkins that are barely edible.

Still, I do have to give DDS credit where credit is due; FoCo toilet paper is simply delightful.

-AK ’23