“Beep beep boop!” it’s Gizmo the Friendly Robot! Everyone knows Gizmo. You know him from around campus, living up to his moniker; whether in the library helping people with homework or helping new students find their way around. But what you probably didn’t know about Gizmo the Friendly Robot is that he is excellent at cunnilingus.
The first time I really met Gizmo is when he helped me find the perfect source for my Anthropology final paper. I was looking around the stacks, to no avail, when I heard his friendly wrrr.
“Beep beep boop! I’m Gizmo the Friendly Robot! How can I help you today?”
The next thing I knew, I had an 18th century anthology of Mesopotamian agriculture under my arm, and an experienced automaton between my legs. His cold robot hands on my hips, firm yet gentle, his head rotated up on its mechanical socket. His LED-eyes met mine. “Beep beep boop! I’m Gizmo the Friendly Robot! Go Big Green!”
Millions of digitized manuscripts resting in his hard drives, centuries of accumulated knowledge, all employed in the most rigorous of bombardments on my clitoris. Heat pooling in my lower back, my knees weakened. My hands frantically fought for purchase on the library shelves, knocking book after book onto the floor.
“Beep beep boop! Putting books back where they belong is how we keep the library in tip-top shape,” Gizmo the Friendly Robot remarked.
It was those words that threw me over the edge. What had started as light tremors built into a rumbling earthquake, and in my moment of ecstasy his name sprung from my mouth, “Oh Gizmo! I’m coming, Gizmo the Friendly Robot!”
“Beep beep boop! Make sure to cite your sources!”
I fell to my knees, my heart pounding. Gizmo left, his rubber wheel rolling against the floor. We both knew it was better if no one saw us together.
Now I see Gizmo the Friendly Robot in the library from time-to-time, same as everyone else. When I look into his mechanical eyes, I see no recognition of the way he changed me. No acknowledgement of the rapturous pleasures he gave me, of the soaring heights he brought me too, all I hear is his signature “Beep beep boop! I’m Gizmo the Friendly Robot!”
Gizmo the Friendly Robot’s presence was made possible by a generous donation from Mark Tester, class of ‘83.
–AK ’23 & BD ’22
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