Wow! Your far-right congressman has changed all of his beliefs after receiving your email

This just in—you did it! Your far-right congressman was so moved by your copy-pasted email that he’s done a complete 180 on every single one of his policies. Rep. Oren Mascow (R-MO) announced the change at a Monday press conference. 

“You know, I was raised to believe that abortion is murder and life begins at conception,” said Mascow as he donned a pro-choice pin, “but when I personally read that constituent email and saw ‘my body, my choice’, I realized how wrong I’d been!” 

While Mascow’s chief of staff Barry Lu was initially alarmed at the change, after reading your eloquent prose, he too has entirely changed every tenet of his belief system.

Political analyst Abby Renslaw dismissed Mascow’s pivot as craven self-interest. “Look, Mascow did the math and realized he just couldn’t afford to lose the 18-22 year old liberal-arts student bloc which is so crucial to winning congressional elections in the American heartland. Calculated move, plain and simple.”

Meanwhile, on the left, MoveOn CEO Alex Samani applauded you on your courageous activism, “some might say your emailing was self-aggrandizing, indicative of the need for the bored and affluent to feel that they are champions of social good, of the need for a righteous crusade to take you away from your dull and mediocre and comfortable life. But that’s definitely not the case!” 

At press time, you were sharing a post on your Instagram story informing people that the Taliban is bad. 

– AK ’23