I Am The Whorax. I Speak For The Earth.

Today is the day that we celebrate Earth.

Our one great blue home till our death from our birth.

No matter where on, so much beauty there lies.

From immovable mountains to endless blue skies.

But our story today concerns one horny dude.

(I do ought to warn you, his words are quite crude.)

Just be patient, I ask, and read to the end.

I assure you this fellow is now my good friend.

We start at a mountaintop, covered with pine.

Where our friend noticed something for the very first time.

Filling with lust as he peered to the south.

The following verses emerged from his mouth:

Your features create many vistas divine.

There’s no other round rock I’d rather call mine.

So I present you this ode, through these rhymes my heart speaks.

In the hopes that, oh Earth, you’d let me clap your blue cheeks.

Forgive if my ask does appear out of bounds.

A man-planet pair, as bizarre as that sounds

But hear me out, sexy, by the end you’ll agree

That our conjugal pleasure would satisfy thee.

You’ve shown lots of love to my ancestral kin

And I offer my thanks via use of my skin.

In food, water, shelter, you’ve gave a nice cut.

And in exchange for your fruits I’ll trade you this nut.

Remember Pangaea, Gondwanaland, too?

Could you spread your tectonic plates for me, boo?

Others dig you for jewels or mineral ore.

But there’s only one reason I’d plunder your core!

Your curves are pristine, and your gravity’s tight.

I’d sure like to swim through your oceans all night.

And one more request, though it lacks any shame:

All sextillion tons of you crushing my frame.

Imagine what fun that we’ll have all alone.

As the fossil record gains one glorious bone.

If nature’s our mother then I guess that makes me

Oedipus ready to fulfill prophecy!

Oh please, oh Earth, my horniness calls.

And you of all planets should know of blue balls.

You’re three-quarters water, so I assure you my thirst

Is only good natured, since nature cums first!

At this point, enraged by our man’s sad display.

I emerged from the forest, I had something to say!

I just could not bear this pure disrespect.

(If too many think this our Earth soon’ll be wrecked!)

I am the Whorax, I speak for the Earth!

You can provide it much more than your power tool’s girth!

The Earth is quite fragile, delicate too.

Consider the fact that it’s not all for you!

You spend all these hours trying hard to seduce.

But our dear planet’s here for much more than YOUR use!

The trillions of life forms you’ll find on each trail

Bring so much more meaning than your searching to rail.

You harvest its offerings, and take beyond measure.

But when did you last consider ITS pleasure?

If it gives you good head, you ought to give it good mind.

Since its future with yours is much intertwined.

If all you do’s take, with no favor returned.

Very soon all we have will forever be burned.

Our livelihood now seems in good supply.

But it’s bound to be lost if you shag the Earth dry.

Your action is needed, be it urgent and soon.

In place of a plow, are you cool with a spoon?

Watch all that you take, we have only one chance,

To turn this thing ‘round; put back on your pants!

By all means get intimate, there’s no issue thereof.

As long as you remember, don’t screw it; make love.

Preserve what you can, else mankind will be through;

If you just fuck the Earth, it’s bound to fuck you!

So in the spirit of honoring our so fragile planet.

I hope this is one rock you don’t take for granite.

Endless wonders it holds, for you to explore.

But remember, dear reader, the Earth isn’t your whore.