NH Voters On Being In A Swing State: “WOOOO GIMME ANOTHER PUSH!”

With the upcoming midterm elections consuming news and advertising in the Granite State, our journalists surveyed 50 New Hampshire residents. When asked how they felt about being in such a polarized swing state, the residents began to rock themselves back and forth giddily. One survey participant, Bobby Dinkler, commented “WOO YEAH I WANNA GO REALLY HIGH!”

When asked if he leans more to the right or to the left, Dinkler said “Straight up up up! I wanna go to space!” The other participants nodded excitedly in agreement with him, a powerful show of unity among New Hampshire residents. One of the participants, Sarah Smith, hung back, though. She quietly confided that she was “afraid of the swing. It goes too far,” a common sentiment among many moderate voters. 

Unfortunately, in a revealing display of the division that permeates our nation’s politics, Dinkler proceeded to push Smith into the sandbox and call her a stupid baby loser. The scene quickly turned sour as the participants began to pummel each other and yell obscenities

While New Hampshire is a deeply divided state, most participants appreciate the engagement that living in a swing state provides. It really pushes them to go back and forth, and when everything cooled down, Dinkler and Smith were able to resolve their differences, and Smith was really thrown for a loop. We’re still trying to untangle her.

— CT ’26