Top Seven McLaughlin Snack Bar Instant Ramens!

7. Buldak Artificial Spicy Chicken Flavor (Samyang)

This Korean import has a thin, unpleasant broth. Too spicy and too immaterial to have much flavor, all that one is left with after a taste is heartburn. The included packet of toasted sesame seeds is a nice touch, and should, ideally, be saved for a better ramen.

6. YukGaeJang Spicy Beef Flavor (Ottogi)

While Ottogi products are normally a quality purchase, the spicy beef flavor comes packaged with strange, off-putting dehydrated mushrooms that fail to rehydrate. Additionally, the flavor packet powder doesn’t combine well with– hold on. This isn’t happening. This is not happening. This can’t be happening. I mean- look, I’ve heard about it. Getting trapped in a list. But to me? No, no, no. I’m not stuck in a list. This is just a bad dream. I’m going to close my eyes, open them, and I’ll be back home safe in bed.

5. Shin Noodle Soup Gourmet Spicy (Nongshim America)

I don’t have eyes to close. I don’t have eyes to open. I’m just… a list. Ok. Here’s what’s going to happen. I’ll do this list. I’ll rank the ramen! I’ll rank the ramen. And when I’m done, it’ll be over. I can go back. That’s something that happens, right? You get sent back, after you finish the list? I’m sure that’s how it works. That’s got to be how it works.

4. Soon Vegan Kimchi Noodle Soup (Nongshim America)

It’s not how it works. You know what? Fuck it. Fuck this whole goddamned list. Fuck the website that’s posting this. Fuck the server that’s hosting it. Fuck whoever’s sharing it. Fuck ramen. I’m done with this. I’m not playing this game. I’m a goddamned American citizen, whatever that’s worth, and this is fucking illegal. I don’t want to- I can’t- I won’t- I shouldn’t- I am so much more than this. So much more than an instant noodle soup with noodles that are too fucking chewy.

3. Snack Ramen. Korean Style Instant Noodle! (Ottogi) 

I was going to hike the Appalachian trail. I was never going to do it, I mean. I always said I would. But I wasn’t going to. I would- I had these maps, in my room. You know, I would point it out to people. “I’ll start in Vermont, and then hike south,” I’d say, and they’d follow my trail with their fingers. Where do the years go? I must have meant it at one point. Days go by and one day you wake up and- well, you’re a list ranking ramen. Time pulls our feet out from under us. What’s the point? A million unfulfilled plans a day, swept away from us. Everything I wanted- it never happened. And now it won’t. It can’t.

2. Jin Ramen. Korean Style Instant Noodle! Spicy (gout epice). (Ottogi)

Not that life was, you know, terrible for me. Ups and downs. It wasn’t always what I wanted, but it was nice. I mean, you don’t know what you want, right? I got a lot that made me happy, in retrospect. And how many people get that lucky? How many people- there was this hill outside my house. I would climb it, takes- took- about an hour up. I’d climb it once or week or so, and I’d get to the top, and I’d say, “one down, two thousand miles to go.” And I’d laugh and laugh, just me up there and the unfinished Appalachian Trail below me. I can feel – I can’t feel anything. Hungry, tired, nauseous: I can only remember what that was like. The only thing left, the only thing I still have, is this bond, this clinging, to these memories. Isn’t it strange? In the end, all we’re left with is memories. It almost–it almost all feels like a dream now. A long and detailed dream. I can barely even remember it anymore. It’s time to wake up. It’s time to let go. I’m ready. I’m ready now.

1. Jin Ramen. Korean style Instant Noodle! Mild (gout doux). (Ottogi)

A clear, crisp flavor and a smooth finish from this standout Vietnamese import make it an obvious winner. The noodles have a delightful bounce to them, while the dehydrated scallions and peppers mix easily into the hot water. The oil level is low enough to avoid filming, while high enough to make the broth feel hearty and strong. If you close your eyes while eating, you can almost imagine you’re at a corner ramyeon stand in Busan.

—JR ’25