In Order to Make Up for Wrongdoing, Leon Black Family Visual Arts Center to be Submerged in Chocolate

In the course of discussions to strip Dartmouth’s home for visual arts of its namesake, the College has decided upon a solution for cleansing the space of its negative associations: the college will be dumping six metric tons of melted milk chocolate onto the Lebanon Street building.

A crane will be towed out, temporarily blocking C&A Pizza and probably both lanes of traffic, on April 4th, and will lift, dump, and subsequently plunge the center of digital humanities in lots and lots of gooey chocolate. The chocolate will, administration estimates, cover the exterior of the building in a thick layer of brown film. Whether or not any sweetness might seep into the interior of the building is up to maintenance. Regardless, the presence of the chocolate will surely be felt on the inside once the building is enveloped by 6 metric tons of liquid milk chocolate, thus removing the natural light typically illuminating the building.

“We think that the dumping of chocolate onto the newly unnamed Visual Arts Center will bring about a new light to a building that’s reputation has taken on a tattered past,” Alumni Chair Stacey Philadelphia ‘84 said. “And if I hear any more jokes about the chocolate, about the ‘Visual Sharts Center,’ I will literally cry.” 

Whether you agree with this action by the Dartmouth community or not, I’ll tell you where I’m gonna be on April 4th: with a boat load of strawberries and a big bag of Jet Puff Marshmallows!

—CN ‘25