DDS Announces: New Reduced Cost “Burger” Special

After recent complaints about price changes, Dartmouth Dining Services has decided to appropriately adjust the prices of our late night dining options to better meet the needs of the Dartmouth community.

We are proud to announce that our burgers have finally been returned to their pre-inflation price, with the help of a slight recipe change. The new burger recipe is our spin on the classic patty. We completely scrapped our old first ingredient, switched the fourteenth ingredient for the second, substituted the sixth ingredient for the third, fourth, and fifth ingredients, and then we accidentally knocked a bottle of this and a bottle of that into the mixing bowl when putting the new recipe to the test, but it tasted pretty good when we tried what we now legally have to call “the raw materials,” so we started knocking them in on purpose. 

A number of students who suffer from food allergies have requested ingredient lists for our burgers, but we are deeply saddened to inform you that we are unable to provide the list. It’s really a right request, wrong time situation. We are doing everything in our power to make it possible for you to get your hands on it, there are just so many things making it impossible: a printer jam, these unprecedented times, the geopolitical state of the world, etc. We’d really like to let you see the recipe but, you know how things go in these situations: nobody wins!

In other news, we’d like to share our condolences with the equestrian team in the light of the losses of their four fresh- we mean best horses. We hope for their speedy return from wherever they went! 

— SC ’26

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