Dartmouth to Right Historical Wrong by Removing All Housing

While Dartmouth College now strives to embrace diversity and equality, this has not always been the case. In a particularly egregious example, Dartmouth denied housing to its black students, forcing them to find off campus accommodations. 

This week, Dartmouth Residential Life announced that in order to right this historical wrong, all students will now be given a mandatory opportunity to find off campus accommodations. 

Residential Life director Alice Stonewell explained the College’s decision: “At Dartmouth College, we always try to strive for equality and justice. We recognize our wrongs of the past and are dedicated to moving forward to a more inclusive future. Now, students of all races will not be guaranteed on-campus housing.”

When asked if this new initiative had anything to do with the current problems the College has been facing with housing students, the Office of Residential Life declined to comment.

Parker Hanover-Inn ’25 told us that he was in favor of this new initiative.

“I think it’s a good thing that we are acknowledging the wrongs of the past. I’ve been participating in this new initiative by sleeping in room 201 of the Hanover Inn every night for the past two years. Dorm life just isn’t for me. Now I know exactly how those students experiencing segregation felt.” 

When asked how he could afford such a luxurious lifestyle, Hanover-Inn declined to comment. 

However, not every student is in favor of this new change. 

George Fahey-McLane ’26 cites this program as the reason he was removed from his two-room double in Fahey-McLane. 

“One moment I’m living the high life in the palace of West House, the next I’m being tossed out on the street like it’s the Great Depression. This new liberal administration doesn’t actually care about its students. My family was here first. Hell, my great-grandfather basically ran this place back in his day. What about us? Are we all being left behind for people whose families didn’t even care enough to build a legacy here?”

We reached out to Fahey-McLane’s former roommate, Thomas Miller, for his perspective on the situation.

“I mean, he came home drunk last week and shat on the floor. So yeah, I wanted him out. But sure, Beilock and the administration are out to get you.”  

Despite mixed reviews, the administration has indicated that it will move forward with similar equality programs in the future.

“We still need to address the fact that women were denied entry into the College until 1972, centuries after the College opened,” said Stonewall of the College’s next program. 

As a result of this new initiative, to right this historical wrong, effective immediately, all Dartmouth students will be expelled for the next 203 years. 

— PJ ’27 & CB ’26