Olympic Tennis Finals Still Postponed after Pickleball Players Refuse to Leave Court

Devoted tennis fans who had been lining up outside Stade Roland Garros since 5 AM local time to witness the anticipated finals between Novak Djokovic and Carlos Alcaraz this past weekend were visibly upset when after filing into the stands, they instead found 2 middle-aged American tourists dinking a pickleball back and forth.

Authorities identified the two pickleball players as Toby Joyce, a 54-year-old failed D3 tennis prospect, and his wife Bethany, who has reportedly been begging him for weeks to play pickleball together. Security cameras caught the pair arriving earlier that morning through a back entrance with a cooler and a still unopened beginner pickleball set from DICK’s Sporting Goods. Bethany then proceeded to unbox and set up the pickleball net while Toby found a broom and swept away a patch of the stadium’s red clay, noting that he couldn’t believe how dirty the local courts were.

When initially asked to leave by security, Toby firmly stated that they had arrived first, and that “the kids” would just have to wait until “pickle time” was over. In an attempt to work out a compromise with the Olympic Committee, the pair offered to lend officials a large stick of Crayola chalk so that they could draw the tennis court lines in the parking lot and play the finals outside instead, citing that the change in surface wouldn’t really impact anything and that they should be grateful for their generosity. Officials did not agree to these terms. Further attempts to peacefully negotiate with the two turned hostile after Bethany demanded the French staff speak exclusively in “American” and then threatened to call the police, claiming harassment and racism from the Olympic committee. 

Spectators were relieved when at approximately 2:30 local time, local law enforcement arrived and forcefully removed the two trespassers, but not before Bethany used her paddle to critically injure 4 officers and 2 members of Paris animal control who were brought in as backup. As they were escorted out, several eyewitnesses overheard them threatening to have their Facebook friends petition the city to replace the tennis courts with pickleball courts, citing that they had nowhere else to play before they returned to the United States at the end of the week.

-J.P. ’26