“Blame Zuck!” says Married Man who ‘Can’t Unfollow’ Instagram Bikini Models

In the wake of President Trump’s inauguration, fear of tech CEOs misusing their platforms has skyrocketed. Many people, including Demi Lovato and Gracie Abrams, have reported that they were automatically subscribed to Trump’s Instagram account and were unable to unfollow him. But even more egregious, Texas resident Paul Thompson has reported that he is unable to unfollow the accounts of various bikini models.

The report was first filed by Thompson’s wife Lynn, who said that she was browsing her husband’s Instagram and noticed him following these suspicious accounts. When Lynn confronted Paul, he first said: “That’s public? You can see who I’m following?” He quickly followed up: “Oh, no, the app did that. Yeah, it’s a glitch or something. A Chinese virus? Or a Russian one, maybe?” 

Eventually, Paul determined that it was Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg himself’s fault. Lynn reported that her husband seemed really shaken when she confronted him about this, and Paul said: “Yeah, I was terrified. It’s just so scary how these technocratic oligarchs think they can meddle in the rights and privacy of citizens by utilizing malicious digital infrastructure.” When we tried to ask Paul why he was squinting at his notes app during that response, he declined to comment.

When the Thompsons were questioned about the potential motivation behind forcing Paul to follow these models, Lynn replied: “A strong marriage is just something you don’t see too much these days. We’re an inconvenient example for young people of a happy couple that made it work.” Paul replied that he wished Mark Zuckerberg had forced his wife to follow those accounts: “Maybe then she’d buy something skimpy instead of that dumpy frock she always wears.” 

—CT ’26