For No Particular Reason, Trump Announces New Office of the Inferior

President Donald Trump signed yet another executive order on Tuesday to establish the Office of the Inferior as the latest member of the Domestic Policy Council.

The order states that the Office will exist to make people who feel inferior feel “tremendous, fantastic,” and not even a little bit self-conscious about their spray tans. It notes that although these people may not state their insecurities directly, the United States will protect their interests above and beyond those of ordinary citizens.

While the Secretaries of Defense, State, and the Treasury already agree with whatever President Trump says, the Secretary of the Inferior will take more of an emotionally supportive role. Not for Trump, though. Just for ordinary Americans who feel less than those around them. Because they’re absolutely everywhere, even in places you wouldn’t expect. Definitely not the President, though. Absolutely not.

This service will be funded by money freed up from the recently-gutted National Parks Service and Department of Education. The Office will send weekly news bulletins to Inferior Feeling Peoples (IFPs) reminding them of their worth. These will include lists of other people that the IFPs are still better than, including immigrants, people with differing religious views, and anyone living outside U.S. borders.

Speaking from his desk in the Oval Office, President Trump stated “This is a huge issue affecting everyone, but believe me folks, we’re gonna fix it better than anyone else could.” 

“It doesn’t affect me, though.” Trump quickly added. “I feel great. Definitely Vance, though. You should talk to J.D. Vance.”

Reached for comment, Vice President Vance agreed that he did indeed feel very inferior before disappearing in a puff of smoke and returning to the shadow realm.

President Trump then took things one step further by signing executive orders banning grades in school and work evaluation reports which might worsen feelings of inferiority in those who the disorder affects most. He has also changed the name of Lake Superior to “Lake Adequate.”

Members of Trump’s own party have enthusiastically supported the Office, stating that it’s a great idea and they wish they’d come up with it first. Liberal pundits warn that this department creates a dangerous precedent of making everyone feel superior, which is generally a right reserved for entitled, well-educated democrats.

“This is gonna make everyone feel good again, folks. In fact, I’ve nicknamed it – and I’ve heard a lot of people calling it this – the Department for Eradicating Inferiority, or DEI for short. In terms of DEI and with regards to border safety, we’re gonna make the United States a safe space.”

-SS ’26