My Dad Is Such An Asshole

My Dad is such an asshole. He’s always yelling at me to be more responsible and stuff. What’s his problem?!

Like just the other day he said that I don’t “contribute anything to the tribe” and all I do is “take up all the space in the cave and eat all the elk.” He’s such a jerk.

Like one time, he came back from hunting and asked if I had collected all the firewood. I said I hadn’t gotten around to it yet and he flipped a shit. He said he works hard to bring steaming elk carcasses to our cave every week and I couldn’t even be bothered to go get some sticks. I just can’t stand his shit anymore.

The worst was I was minding my own business, just sleeping underneath my elk skin and he woke me up and said I had to “participate” in the rain ritual, or else it won’t rain for a fortnight. That was when I really lost it.

I said, “I hate the rain ritual! I hate everything!”

He said, “We don’t have a choice son.”

I said, “Yes we do goddamnit! You’re the one that made us leave San Francisco to go live with this group of weirdoes in this goddamn prehistoric commune! Everyone here smells like shit! I was going to go to Berkeley next year! And the elk are endangered, you prick!”

Then he just said, “Ooo ooo, ahh ahh,” and hit me on the head with his club.

My Dad is such an asshole.

 -BP ’16

 


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1 Comment on "My Dad Is Such An Asshole"

  1. previously sorry I only know a little know your situation but you should not need to mock / scolding your father because he has tried and he does not understand your situation, maybe if you’re patient and said well maybe he’ll understand.

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