Ethics Student Reads Textbook, Learns Cheating Is Wrong

After facing suspension charges from Dartmouth for being implicated in large scale clicker cheating plot in “Sports, Ethics, and Religion”, Jason Todd has made a revelation.

“So, I ended up opening one of my ‘Sports, Ethics, and Religion’ textbooks for the first time,” Todd explained when we reached out to him, “and I realized that this whole clicker scandal was unethical!”

Todd then continued to read through the entirety of his class’s reading material. He described his findings as “eye-opening.” “I started learning all about the value of social contracts, playing by the agreed-upon rules, y’know? And that’s when it hit me. Cheating is wrong!” Through his own personal research, Todd realized that “stealing, violence, and pyramid schemes” are also unethical and often despicable. “Do other people know about this? I had no idea that my actions had actual, long-standing consequences. Why didn’t anyone tell me this before?”

Todd’s discoveries didn’t end there. Through more of his assigned religious textbook reading (and through asking around), Todd found that religion also had something to say about cheating: “Christianity, Islam, Judaism and whatever my family practices ALSO say cheating is bad, just like disemboweling children and adultery! It’s such a crazy idea, but I think they’re right.”

Todd wishes his fellow classmates would step back and read some of the course material. “I know it’s a strange thing to ask, but doing the assigned reading for the class I’ve been cheating in has really opened my eyes. I’d like to let everyone know that breaking the rules, believe it or not, is wrong. Just like in sports.”

-JR ’18