How to Make the Perfect Poached Egg

So easy, a monkey could do it!

1. Gather your materials. You will need a saucepan, a cold egg, a ramekin, a slotted spoon, and some water.

2. Fill the saucepan with about one inch of water.

3. Light the stove, and turn the heat to medium-low. (The clicking of the gas, before it alights, reminds you of a ticking clock. Every day the seconds seem to pass more slowly. You are aging. Time is not on your side. Whenever you look in the mirror, you are confronted with the reality of your own mortality. Someday you will grow very old. Someday, you will die.)

4. Keep an eye on the water! When it begins to gently simmer, crack the egg into the ramekin. (The eggshell shatters. You are transported back in time, to your childhood. You used to be so carefree, frolicking about in the sunshine, never once worrying what the future would hold. Your scrapes and bruises did not bother you, because you were young and hardy and ready to tackle the world head-on, as you swung from tree to tree. You had no enemies, no worries, no doubts. But youth is fleeting. You lift your hand to your face, and feel that the once-taut skin has begun to wrinkle. There is no escaping time.)

5. Turn off the heat and put the lid on the saucepan.

6. Set a timer for 4 minutes. No peeking until time is up! (You watch the seconds tick away with a sort of morbid pleasure. Time moves much more quickly nowadays.  You used to always be in such a rush, always waiting for something to happen, constantly wishing you were older, more worldly, more free. But now each moment that passes is just sand in the hourglass, an hourglass which you know will never be re-inverted. There are no second chances. Each moment could be your last.)

7. When time is up, carefully remove the egg from the water with a slotted spoon, taking care not to break the yolk. (The yolk splits. Of course it does, you could never do anything right, could you, isn’t that what they always told you? You’ve never met their expectations. In fact, you’ll never be good enough for them, even if you ARE the first chimpanzee to make a perfect poached egg!)

8. Place egg gently on a plate, a piece of toast, or an English muffin – whatever your heart desires. Bon appetit!

-LH ’16