Jurassic Diet

The Jurassic Diet: Join the Movement!

What’s that?

Jurassic dieting is more than a diet – it’s a lifestyle. Jurassics subsist only by eating the decayed and/or petrified bodies of plesiosaurs, pliosaurs, and sauropods for protein, while getting essential plant nutrients from delicious aruacariacae, caytoniaceous seed ferns, and other delicious and believed-to-be-extinct species of flora. We all know that cycads were going to be the new chard; it was only a matter of time.

Hmm, so…what’s the point? How does this impress people?
Eating Jurassic decreases your environmental impact, helps rid the world of a lot of old junk underground that scientists probably won’t care about, and might give you something to talk about with that cute recently-divorced trainer at FitWorld – you know, the one with the boyish grin and sensitive eyes?

Alright, how do I get started?

The world is your dinner plate! Going Jurassic is as simple as:

1. Traveling to central Africa, the northernmost arctic island chains, or just about any other place the American government can’t touch you,

2. If said location is inhabited, slowly integrating yourself into the community over time and building up enough credibility with the elders and/or governing body to begin tearing apart the land without starting a war,

3. Setting up a high-tech, sterile, and efficient archaeological dig with a team of qualified scientists and a quirky wisecracker or two to keep things light,

4. THEN after several years of careful research, funding, digging, cataloging, and trying to balance a graduate degree in archaeology while looking for happiness and love in this love-to-hate-it, wonky modern world we live in, finally finding some goodies for your first Jurassic meal!

Why not just go Paleo? Isn’t that high-maintenance enough?

We all know you’re just looking for more exotic ways to make your friends feel self-conscious about their eating habits. C’mon! Go Jurassic, and be that guy.

-KS ’16