Freshman stops at nothing to dominate Add/Drop

As of Wednesday night, the Jack-O-Lantern has obtained exclusive information indicating that Todd Kemper ’20 has resorted to extreme tactics in order to get his best picks for course selection.

“I woke up to a blitz from Todd of a compilation of photos of me in TDX with the subject line ‘drop Anthro 45 or else.’ I don’t want to say exactly what was in the photos, but I will say I dropped Anthro 45,” Jessica DeWoldt ’18 said.

After sending some mysterious blitzes, Todd was seen hacking into Banner to place holds on his floormates’ accounts.

It seems that Todd has even resorted to some devious conduct in office hours.

“As I was leaving Rocky, I saw Todd at the door of Professor Smith’s office in a trench coat and what looked suspiciously like nothing else underneath. I don’t really want to talk about it, it’s still disturbing,” Simon Witt ’17 said.

Witt later spotted Todd at KAF with a CS professor, and observers noted that it looked like they were discussing how to cut out certain dorms’ wi-fi connections. Todd’s roommate also complained of waking up handcuffed to his bed after his nap on the day that add-drop started.

Some students are unhappy with Todd’s aggressive behavior.

“I need to take Political Organization in Russia to complete my major, but Todd got the last spot,” Maddie Conway ’17 said. “Now I won’t be able to walk at graduation, and my parents are pissed. Well, I hope Todd enjoys learning about the structure of the Russian parliament while I have to stay on next summer.”

As of press time, Todd is enrolled in 16 classes and is planning on applying to both of the study abroads that you are interested in.

– JW ’20 & EG ’20