Giant Pile of Ice Joins Class of 2022

A giant pile of ice has been accepted to the Dartmouth Class of 2022, according to Admissions officials who released application decisions on Thursday. The huge and dirty mound of ice, which currently resides along the pathway between Baker-Berry Library and Kemeny Hall, was one of 1,925 students admitted to the incoming first-year class.

“We’re proud to announce that the admitted Class of 2022 includes student leaders, artists, researchers, and one very large chunk of partially-melted ice,” admissions director Todd Williams said in a statement about the admitted class. “Ninety-seven percent of students are in the top 10 percent of their graduating class, mean SAT scores are at a record high, and the heap of ice is covered with so much dirt and grime that it nearly looks like a rock.”

Williams said that the admitted students come from diverse backgrounds, with 59 percent attending a public or charter school. The extremely large mass of ice, he noted, did not attend school but is likely to contain a variety of interesting materials including dead leaves, discarded food wrappers, and dog poop.

At press time, admissions officers were considering rescinding the ice pile’s application amid concerns that it might not be able to handle Dartmouth’s rigorous curriculum or survive through the summer.

– LT ’19