Next Dartmouth College Republicans Guest Speaker Literally the Reincarnated Corpse of Adolf Hitler

In a somewhat surprising announcement, the Dartmouth College Republicans have announced the guest speaker for a talk they will host next week: it’s literally the reincarnated corpse of Adolf Hitler.

“We believe that our speaker has views that, though somewhat fringe and marginalized by the currently tyrannical climate of political correctness, should be heard by Dartmouth College students,” one anonymous member of the College Republicans said.

“I don’t understand why they’d do that. No one asked for this. Giving rabid anti-Muslim advocates like David Horowitz a platform is one thing, but using an unholy combination of human science and eldritch magic to call forth the deceased leader of the Third Reich is way over the line,” said Cathy Collins ’20, who intends to protest the talk.

When contacted, the guest speaker declined to respond to questions and instead berated our reporter with a string of unprintable racial slurs as maggots fell freely from his obsidian, chasm-like eyes, animated even beyond the grave with violent hatred for an alien Other.

“Yeah, he’s meaner than Horowitz was, but honestly not by much.” said one member of the College Republicans.

Dartmouth students reached for comment seemed to have initially mixed opinions. “Yeah, like both sides are full of shit. The Dems were super aggressive in trying to get people to vote, so- Wait what?? Like, the Nazi leader? Why? Like why do that? Who’s asking for that opinion to be elevated? Why can’t they just masturbate to Ayn Rand’s views on indigenous people and stop having these guests?” replied Tobias Washington ’20.

At press time, the necromantically conjured ex-Führer was responding to the audience question “Can we stop political correctness from pushing America into outright totalitarian dictatorship?”

– OK ’21