Dartmouth Dining Services (DDS) announced on Wednesday that students’ unused DBA balance will no longer roll over to the next academic term. Citing financial concerns, DDS will instead take unused balances out of students’ accounts and invest them directly into high-yield crude oil bonds.
Reporters obtained a statement from DDS spokesperson Daryl Nussman about the decision. “Our patrons can always trust that Dartmouth Dining Services will prioritize making money by any means necessary,” the press release reads, “even if it means taking funds directly out of their GET accounts and investing them in high-risk, ethically-questionable stock options.”
Reactions from students have been mixed, with some calling the adjustment a “savvy business move” and others calling it “excuse me, what the fuck. This is terrible.”
Sarah Drumwell ‘22 stated that she doesn’t have strong feelings on the issue, telling reporters, “I’m used to being robbed by DDS, whether they’re charging like $7 for a kombucha or literally reaching into my account, taking my money, and buying stake in Saudi Aramco.”
At press time, also citing financial concerns, DDS has announced that they are now selling blood diamonds at Novack Cafe.
-GA ’21
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