Fayes Offers New Affordable Laundry Option: The Floor!

After fielding complaints about the high cost of laundry, the Fayerweather buildings have decided to introduce a new reduced-cost option: the floor.

“Yeah, the laundry rooms down there always flood when it rains,” said an anonymous Residential Operations employee. “So, we thought, why not give the kids what they want and wash two birds with one sewer pipe?” When asked to elaborate on this novel turn of phrase, they commented, “Oh, you know what I mean.”

The inaugural program includes several exciting features. For one, detergent is complementary, as it is already mixed into the pool available to students. According to Dick’s House, this soapiness is likely the cause for the water’s opaque nature, and so long as students wear galoshes, they will likely face only low health risk from the lint-infused basin.

“This laundry idea is great!” remarked enthusiastic Sarah Jacobs ‘26. “I didn’t even know it came with freebies, but last week, I totally got a free pair of underwear that was just waiting for me when I went to swish my clothes around in the floor puddle. It’s just like those goodie bags on Etsy!”

Several upperclassmen have expressed frustrations that the initiative doesn’t exist in their housing locations as well. “It’s so unfair,” noted Alex Carter ‘23. “I was frustrated enough when they took away DA$H payment for laundry, but these 26s are getting laundry for free? Typical Dartmouth, ignoring their seniors.”

For students really looking to get the most bang for their buck, several dorms are joining the Fayes in pioneering a complementary dryer service this winter, entitled “Radiators That Won’t Turn Off.”

– HB ‘26