#Girlboss: Woman Extremely Productive While Openly Crying On FFB

With finals season upon us, students on FFB have reported the presence of a blotchy-faced woman whose ability to multitask has been an incredible inspiration. “I don’t know how she does it,” says Sophia Amoruso ‘25. “I once watched her type with one hand as she wiped away tear tracks.” Her productivity level has us all wondering: is the key to success just adding trauma-recovery to the to-do list?

Students have witnessed her setting a timer to sob, then returning to her work upon the soft tones of Radar (Default). However, some have seen her recently report a change in strategy. “I saw her write an entire essay while quietly sobbing,” writes an anonymous admirer. This signals a changing time, where coping no longer needs to be added to a busy schedule, but instead overlaid across all of her activities to achieve optimum productivity. 

Recently, an inspired passerby noticed her unique strategy for group office hours. As her Zoom screen connected, she wiped her tears, backed up her chair, and put on a surgical mask. When a few more tears fell as she was asking a question, they were visible for only the briefest moment  before disappearing into her mask. Kristin Cavallari ’26 has been working up the courage to ask for advice, “I don’t even know how to speak up during office hours, but she can do it even when under emotional duress. And that trick, hiding her tears with the mask? Genius!”

Some concerned onlookers have worried that she doesn’t have enough balance in her life: “I don’t know, but I think maybe taking a break to just, like, focus on a sob session can be really good for you, you know? Like a cleanse?” said Natalie Massenet ‘25. 

However, other admirers assure that she does add some “me-time” into her schedule: “Yeah, I totally saw her logging into UWill and joining the zoom while walking off toward the stairwell! For a whole thirty minutes I could hear her talking about her new antidepressant and how she only cries like three times a day now. What an inspiration,” said Bethenny Frankel ‘24. 

Students across campus are impressed by her motivation and commitment to productivity. “I wish I could be like her. I mean I did hear her on the phone talking about her parent’s impending divorce right before sitting down on FFB and like, my parents are all good…but I want her mindset you know?” said Emily Weiss ‘23.

If you want to take steps to adopt a similar mindset for success, try making your mental health a bigger part of your day. Whether during study groups, office hours, or walks between commitments, having a good sob can’t be a waste of time if you’re multitasking! It’s just impossible to find time for yourself these days, so you have to make the time. If you’re really dedicated, maybe you can make FFB a healing place for you too. 

Sincerest thanks to Girl Sobbing on FFB. Your fans around campus hope your parents’ separation is going well. 

— C.B. ’23