Getting Ready for Hot Guy Summer: One Tip that Will TRANSFORM Your Love Life!

Listen up fellas! Hot guy summer is just around the corner, and now’s the perfect time to make sure your smokin’ hot bod is in tip-top shape for the ladies. After all, there’s nothing worse than repulsing a possible love interest by having down-right terrible hygiene! Now, to keep things as simple as possible for you boys, we’re going to leave you with just one tip that will take your love life from blah to ah! All you have to do is one simple task: put those dogs away!

That’s right! It’s as simple as opting for sneakers instead of birkenstocks. Don’t believe us? Fret not! We’ve interviewed three different girls for an insider’s perspective. Here’s what certifiable hot girl Megan had to say about guys that wear sandals during summer:

“Whoever created flip flops for men deserves to be burned at the stake. It’s so misogynistic to subject women to the sight of men’s toes just out and about. Like, why should I have to perceive feet that look like they have three different types of fungus that even the CDC can’t identify?”

We hear you, Megan! No girl wants a guy that is proudly showing off his feet. Remember, it doesn’t matter how clean you think your toes are, because even the cleanest dude feet are still nastier than the dirtiest set of girl feet. By showing off your filthy little piggies during the summer, you’re projecting a sense of overconfidence that will immediately turn off any hot girl. Still not convinced? Take it from bombshell Bianca, who’s current boyfriend is a recovered free-toe fanatic: 

“When I first met Carson, I couldn’t even look him in the eye. I was so physically repulsed by his bare toes in those raggedy, canvas, tan-colored flip flops that I couldn’t even focus on his face. But when he decided to make the change for me, it was like a veil had been lifted. I could finally see that he was actually a hot guy once I didn’t throw up at the sight of his feet!”

Now boys, it’s totally understandable to be skeptical of this new concept. But trust us, there is not a single girl on this earth that is going to look your way as long as your decayed, yellowed toenails are out. We know, we know, it’s hot during the summer! But what’s more important to you? Comfort? Or never getting laid for the rest of your life? Here’s what sexy Stella had to chime in: 

“It’s 2023. At this point, boys should just know to cover their toes out of respect to hot girls everywhere. It’s blatant sexism! Like, they’re such hypocrites. How are you gonna have a foot fetish and not even wash yours in the shower? Come to think of it, they don’t even wear shower shoes. I’d honestly prefer it if guys would just go back to catcalling us. It’s more respectful than forcing us to see your hairy-ass toes.” 

You heard them, boys! It’s time to ditch those flip flops. Make this your best hot guy summer yet, and just what? PUT THOSE DOGS AWAY!

— MB ’25