Interview with Director of Dartmouth Dining Services Scanning Program

Thank you for taking the time with us. Could you tell us a little about the scanning program? 

I’m glad to have the opportunity to clear up some common misunderstandings about the program. The new Dartmouth Dining Services Scanning Program will speed up entrance to Foco by enabling students to forgo swiping their DartmouthID and instead scan their buttocks to confirm their identity. 

Some students have raised concerns about privacy violations.

That’s a misconception. The Dartmouth Dining Services Scanning Program does not store any pictures of student buttocks. Instead, we generate a mathematical number that represents the size, shape, and position relative to the buttocks of the student’s anus. We then simply compare the mathematical number generated by the initial scan to the scan on entry, and if they are in a similar range, we validate the identity of the student. 

Can you talk about enhanced scanning protocols? 

Security and accuracy are at the heart of the Dartmouth Dining Services Scanning Program. Occasionally, to validate an ambiguous scan, a student will be asked to perform an in-person scan, during which a trained Dartmouth Dining Services employee will physically observe the student’s anus, generate a mathematical number representing the size, shape, and position relative to the buttocks of the student’s anus, and compare that against a projected and hypothetical buttocks and anus within the correct range for the student’s earlier scan. We also provide this human connection if a student feels uncomfortable with an algorithm processing the data of their buttocks and anus. 

Even though you do not save any images of student buttocks, you do generate a number to represent it. Are you concerned that students may feel judged by the size of the number generated for their buttocks? 

At Dartmouth Dining Services, we remain committed to creating an eating atmosphere that does not judge any student on the basis of the size, shape, and position relative to the buttocks of a student’s anus. No matter whether the mathematical number generated to represent your anus’s size, shape, and position relative to the buttocks is small or large, we are happy to create a positive eating environment for you. 

How will the new Dartmouth Dining Services Scanning Program speed up entrance to Foco?

Prior to the Dartmouth Dining Services Scanning Program, students would queue in line to swipe their Dartmouth IDs with an Dartmouth Dining Services representative, of which there was a maximum of three. Now, students will queue in line to remove their pants, dress, skirt, and undergarments, scan their buttocks and anus with a designated Dartmouth Dining Services scanner, of which there will be three, and then reclothe if the scan is found to match the mathematical number representing their anus’s size, shape, and position relative to their buttocks, speeding the process immensely. 

Thank you so much for your time. One last question. Is it true that the Dartmouth Dining Services Scanning Program may soon be expanded to other facets of Dartmouth life? 

No comment, but don’t be surprised if soon DuoPush is generating a mathematical number that represents your anus’s size, shape, and position relative to your buttocks. 

– J.R. ’25