Neverheards
Things that you will NEVER hear around campus! by Matt Garczynski ’14 ’13 Psi U: “Fuck the gender binary, bro!” Philosophy Professor: “I encourage you all to pursue the exact career I have.” ’14 Girl:…
Things that you will NEVER hear around campus! by Matt Garczynski ’14 ’13 Psi U: “Fuck the gender binary, bro!” Philosophy Professor: “I encourage you all to pursue the exact career I have.” ’14 Girl:…
… with an obnoxious male author: 1. Construct an extended metaphor explaining why you are correct. 2. Claim that your metaphor is more extended than his dick ever will be. …with an obnoxious author who…
The ham bus was fresh and its cargo was meat. Sesame seeds confettied the ground from the bun roof. Mayonnaise clouded the windows and a single leaf of lettuce floated into the soggy distance like…
At a fancy restaurant in Hanover (there are like two, pick one). A Girl and a Guy sit across from each other. The Girl peruses a menu carefully. The Guy holds one like a frisbee….
By Alex Procton ’15 With pictures of smaller socks on them With pictures of cats named “Socks” on them With speeches by famous orators on them With speeches by cult leaders on them Toe socks…
By Alex Procton ’15 INT. FRAT HOUSE, NIGHT We open on BRET, a ’13, who is behind the bar in his crowded frat house, and JACK, a ’15, who wants a drink. JACK is holding…
By Michael Lenke ’15 Fact: the Twilight movies have been linked to an increased risk of testicular cancer in both men and women. Fact: there are 4 spider legs in the average chocolate bar. There’s…
For Reenacting 2001: A Space Odyssey – John: Okay Siri, I’m going to play the role of Dr. Heywood R. Floyd and I want you to play— Siri: I know, HAL 9000. Okay, John, sounds—…
Frank: The Guy with Tinnitus Meet America’s favorite aurally afflicted goofball… it’s Frank!
A piece of Harry Potter slash fiction by Mysterious Harry Potter Fan ’13 The Sorting Hat lay in his usual pose, lazily crumpled up on his shelf in Dumbledore’s office. He did what he always…
by Amanda Young ’15 10:00 a.m. Rough morning. Keggy falls overs walking to the Life Sciences Center for Geography 23, Recycling at the Big Green: Reusing Keystone Light Cans. 12:45 p.m. Keggy enjoys a hearty…