A Brief Encounter Outside a McDonald’s
Modern day ME walks outside a McDonald’s. I catch a glimpse of a poster that seems to be advertising the return of the McRib. A brief spark of nostalgia. But, no! I care about my…
Articles
The Queens of Cockblock
Jim Kim Elected Editor-in-Chief of the Jack-o-Lantern
Greetings readership, We are pleased to announce that Dartmouth College President Jim Yong Kim has been elected Editor-in-Chief of the Jack-o-Lantern. In our recent elections, Kim defeated incumbent editors Kenny Baclawski ’12…
5 Easy Steps
by Charlie Laud ’14
From the Jacko Vault: Scary Keggy!!!
Keggy the Keg is usually a fun-loving, jovial creature. But sometimes he can be downright terrifying. You know what they say: it’s always the quiet ones… #1: Demonic Butcher Keggy!!! #2: What Keggy Looks Like…
Notes on Peeves of Aerial Traversal
by Nathanael “Nathaniel” Friday ’15 1. The panic TSA instills in an otherwise tranquil line of people, and the mounting horror at their dull apathy when, despite their violations, you realize you accidentally got onto…
A Guide to Starting an Online Chat
The Internet can be a terrifying place. With all the pictures of cats and silly captions in broken English – see what I mean, TERRIFYING!!! If you start chatting anonymously with someone else, use this…
How to Read Your Physiology Textbook
by Alex Procton ’15 1. Try to actually read the words This step is really only a formality. Don’t pretend that any of the words make sense. “Homeostasis” isn’t a real thing. “Protein” isn’t a…
Joke Pirate #2
by Julie Fiveash ’13
What Your Names For Your Grandparents Say About You
Answers to the question “What do you call your grandparents?” Nana and Papa – You like things straightforward. Nonna and Nonno – You are Italian. Nannelli etti Peppacine – You think you are Italian. Naan…
I Manage the War Horse
by Cecil R. Oswalt ’12 I Manage the War Horse Coming out of War Horse, one of the finest classic Hollywood epics ever, I was almost unnaturally excited about the horse who played Joey. Long…
Celebs: Exposed!
by Charlie Laud ’14