Articles
An Interview with the GOP
In the fall of 2011, Dartmouth College hosted the prospective Republican Party candidates and attendees for a nationally televised debate. The Jack-O-Lantern had the privilege of interviewing three of the candidates. The following transcript of…
The Beatles Make A Snow Penis
by Matt Garczynski ’14 Penny Lane, Liverpool, 1968 Paul: Well, boys, here we are. John: Our old stomping grounds, as they say. George: It’s just as I remember it. Ringo:…
Mac Ideas that Actually Hurt People
by Nathanael Friday ’15 1. A real lightsaber app… you know that wouldn’t end well. 2. Built-in explosive for too many wrong password attempts. 3. Literally razor-thin edges. 4. The Siri iDriver. Follows Google Maps…
Wilderness DMT Training
Our longest and most demanding wilderness SPIRIT MEDICINE training…wait, it’s only been a half hour? Well damn. DID YOU KNOW YOU RELEASE DMT WHEN YOU DREAM? YOU DO. This INTENSIVE course will INTEGRATE your experience in…
Carpets Attack!
Ladies and gentlemen, Get your families to the local theater to see the latest installment of fear and terror. Take a seat in the red cushioned chairs, but don’t let your feet touch the ground,…
Terrorist Pigeons
We told Julie to draw a comic about Terrorist Pigeons. This is the result.
Lewis van Lewiston Breaks Up with Things
1. A Vacuum I really like you, Vacky. I really like you a lot. You’ve kept my life clean these past few years. I remember the first day we met at Sears. It was magical….
Five Other Uses for Blood
The American Red Cross has long recognized that although it must maintain a consistent high demand for blood donations, it actually rarely uses any of the blood it collects. This policy is referred to “Just…
Weaponry for the Homemaker
We’ve all been there. You have a lot of old artillery and torture devices just lying around between wars and you just can’t figure out what to do with them. Well, instead of letting them…