Audiences across the world mourned when CBS announced that season 7 of Young Sheldon, which ends on May 16th, will be the last outing for the Big Bang Theory spinoff. How will America survive without seeing Sheldon Cooper on their screens? Thankfully, CBS has just put out a casting call for a Young Sheldon prequel! Does your baby have the wit, acting chops, and misogyny to play Younger Sheldon?
According to Young Sheldon showrunner Chuck Lorre, “We recognize that this is a new and progressive era for Hollywood. We believe that our Younger Sheldon can be a baby of any race, size, or religion… as long as that baby has a biting, malevolent glint of superiority in his eyes. Like, I need to look at this baby and know that when he grows up, he’ll tell his assistant that women are like egg salads on a hot day — full of eggs and only appealing for a short time — and that’s an actual quote from a beloved American sitcom.”
After Jim Parsons and Ian Armitage’s takes on the character, Lorre wants this new show to have a brand new, fresh out of the womb Sheldon with the same old nerdy misogyny: “I need a baby that can gatekeep. Like, when he’s being nursed by his mother Mary, he’s going to ask if she even knows the enzymes that are in breast milk. And when she says, no, he just rolls his eyes and is like, Typical bimbo. Obviously the baby won’t actually say stuff cause he’s a baby and can’t talk, but that should be his vibe.”
Parents are already excitedly filming audition tapes for their adorable bigoted babies. Carrie Phillips says of her son Wilbert, “He’s a lovely baby, he is, but I just see something in him sometimes. I was listening to this podcast about Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, and I swear I heard him say his first words: ‘Lying Bitch!’ Plus, whenever I’m crying from the stress of new motherhood, Wilbert looks at me with eyes that say ‘You must be on your period.’”
Other parents are trying to prepare their otherwise normal children for the role, forcing them to binge Rick and Morty or watch video essays about Hollywood turning redheads black. When asked about this movement, Chuck Lorre says that he just wants to find the perfect baby for the role, whatever it takes. Lorre warns that the audition process is thorough and difficult: good luck getting your baby to pronounce ‘Bazinga.’
— CT ’26
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