A Guide to Starting an Online Chat
The Internet can be a terrifying place. With all the pictures of cats and silly captions in broken English – see what I mean, TERRIFYING!!! If you start chatting anonymously with someone else, use this…
Articles by Jacko
How to Read Your Physiology Textbook
by Alex Procton ’15 1. Try to actually read the words This step is really only a formality. Don’t pretend that any of the words make sense. “Homeostasis” isn’t a real thing. “Protein” isn’t a…
Joke Pirate #2
by Julie Fiveash ’13
What Your Names For Your Grandparents Say About You
Answers to the question “What do you call your grandparents?” Nana and Papa – You like things straightforward. Nonna and Nonno – You are Italian. Nannelli etti Peppacine – You think you are Italian. Naan…
I Manage the War Horse
by Cecil R. Oswalt ’12 I Manage the War Horse Coming out of War Horse, one of the finest classic Hollywood epics ever, I was almost unnaturally excited about the horse who played Joey. Long…
Celebs: Exposed!
by Charlie Laud ’14
My New Year’s Resolution
by Matt Garczynski ’14 This is the year I will touch my toes. I know I have made this resolution before – seven years in a row, to be exact – but this is the…
Joke Pirate
Impractical Animal Clothing
by Alex Procton ’15 Sweaters for centipedes Pants for octopuses Fingerless gloves for parakeets Pantsuits for iguanas Sweatbands for caribou Legwarmers for army ants Ski masks for rhinoceroses Cardigans for killer whales Hair bows for…
Neverheards
Things that you will NEVER hear around campus! by Matt Garczynski ’14 ’13 Psi U: “Fuck the gender binary, bro!” Philosophy Professor: “I encourage you all to pursue the exact career I have.” ’14 Girl:…
How to Argue…
… with an obnoxious male author: 1. Construct an extended metaphor explaining why you are correct. 2. Claim that your metaphor is more extended than his dick ever will be. …with an obnoxious author who…
Ham Sandwich Birthday Bus
The ham bus was fresh and its cargo was meat. Sesame seeds confettied the ground from the bun roof. Mayonnaise clouded the windows and a single leaf of lettuce floated into the soggy distance like…