Five Other Uses for Blood
The American Red Cross has long recognized that although it must maintain a consistent high demand for blood donations, it actually rarely uses any of the blood it collects. This policy is referred to “Just…
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Weaponry for the Homemaker
We’ve all been there. You have a lot of old artillery and torture devices just lying around between wars and you just can’t figure out what to do with them. Well, instead of letting them…
Awful MS Paint Comic: "Stop Sign"
Why Dartmouth Has No Superheroes
An Epistle From MC Poopy Pants
Yonder Listeners, Hi-ho! It be I, MC Poopy-Pants! I scribe to thee to inform of an upcoming jobbly-jank at the local discotheque. I is performing the most street-liest of jams from your favorite artists like…
Awful MS Paint Comic: "Hanging Out"
An Occurrence at Omega Phi Fraternity
Portions of this story, as well as the entire premise, have been taken from Ambrose Bierce’s “An Occurence at Owl Creek Bridge Chapter I A young man stood in a room in a fraternity in…
Roberto Benigni Gives a Eulogy
Ho ho! Welcome, welcome! My friends! Please, sit. Stand. Dance if-a you please. Make love to the people. This is a day to celebrate, no? Today we must celebrate the joy that is life. Life…
7 Superbowl Parties for People Who Don’t Watch Football
The European Supplies: a good Merlot 1. Turn on the soccer match between Arsenal and Blackburn. 2. Do not turn on the Superbowl. 3. Occasionally comment on “that strange American game” in between sips of…
A Pressing Question
Listen, Emily, I know we’ve only been dating for a month or so, and we haven’t even kissed, but I was hoping I could ask you something. It’s a question I’ve been turning over in…
Marauding Maintenance
In the velvet darkness of the blackest night, a single light shines from the Facilities Operations & Management shed. As the campus lies silent, the soft purr of the engine on a miniature vehicle reverberates off brick…
