Five hobbies that will help you win back your ex-wife Christine

1) Cooking

Christine always loved a man who could cook. She went absolutely wild for your pot roast the first time you made it, but soon she realized that it was your only recipe. Expand your repertoire and maybe you can get back the magic that was your early, married life. All you have to do is buy a cookbook and maybe take some classes.

2) Bird Watching

Christine always had a thing for men who knew their stuff in the outdoors. Remember on your first date when she asked you what kind of bird that was that you saw together. Take up bird watching and you’ll learn that it was a fucking cardinal and she probably would’ve stayed with you if you knew that you fucking idiot, I bet that dick Brian knows what a cardinal looks like. And remember, a birdwatcher is only as good as his binoculars so make sure to get a good pair.

3) Household repairs

I bet if you knew how to fix a leaky faucet or a squeaky stair like Brian does, you could’ve fixed your fucking broken marriage. Instead of slapping some duct tape on that broken bannister and patching it up like you did your loveless marriage, you probably should’ve just learned how to use a damn hammer and actually fixed the problem. Your local hardware store should have great tool kits with all you need to become Mr. Fix-It.

4) A steady job

Ok maybe this isn’t a “hobby” per se but a real man can provide for his family like Brian can. Sure being an insurance salesman is lame but at least he can bring home a paycheck and support Christine the way she wants. Maybe you could buy her that above ground pool she always wanted. But I guess Brian already bought her that so maybe you should think of something else.

5) Knife collecting

Knives are badass and girls love guys who are badass, so you do the math. Plus, I think we all know the only way Christine is coming back is if you murder Brian so pick out your favorite knife and go to town on that fucker.

– AB ’19