Here is my Dartmouth Strategic Master Plan

What a pleasant surprise, Perry. And by surprise I mean… NOT A SURPRISE AT ALL!

Here is my Dartmouth Strategic Master Plan to take over the tri-state area. You’ll see it on this easel-inator 3000 here in my FFB-inator 3000.

Now, long-term construction is pretty expensive, so why would I take all this time and money to build something without a clear purpose?

Well, it began when I was a young boy back in Drusselstein. I was required to take a piping hot bratapfel all the way across town to the Gerenshmirtz residence, as a favor, as quickly as I could.

As I came to cross-roads, a large truck had dug a pit and I was informed I could not walk along that part of the sidewalk. At that tender age I could only move so fast along the streets, so when I finally arrived, the bratapfel had grown cold and dull. 

I was shunned from that day. While the other children could go and roam and play, I was known as the Boy Who Had Delivered The Cold Bratapfel- all because I had been slowed down by unnecessary renovations. And since my time was taken away from me, I will take away time from everyone in the tri-state area!

Now, it will take everyone in the tri-state area slightly longer to get from place to place than they anticipated! Don’t you see, Perry? You will try to get by the cube! Try again because you will be delayed by a giant pit-inator! You will try and get into Mclaughlin! Try again because you will be delayed by another pit-inator!  Want to drive quickly?! I will delay you with a transport shuttle-inator 3000! Try to get to the river? I will stop you with another giant pit-inator!

I’m really into the pit-inators, I guess. 

No, Perry- stop, what are you doing? No, don’t touch that! I shouldn’t put the plans so close to the window when it’s raining. Perry- no I spent so much time on that- No!

Curse you Perry the Platypus! 

-SL’22