Jimplin’s Mustard Hut, a Dartmouth Staple, is Closing After 160 Years

Jimplin’s Mustard Hut has permanently closed its doors due to the COVID-related absence of its usually hungry customers. Jimplin Greegs, resident mustard connoisseur and occasional heartthrob, announced his decision this morning by scrawling illegible messages on the Green in French’s Yellow Mustard, finally surrendering to his corporate archnemesis.

“So many great memories at Jimplin’s,” said Humphrey Hocus, ‘22. “Mouthfuls of mustard between classes, mustard duels at dawn, being crowned Mustard Prince…Now it’s all gone. And what am I supposed to do? Move on? Start eating at Koogel’s Ketchup Closet? You’re high on crack if you think I’d bow to the Ketchup King just like that!”

In light of the hut’s closure, Rauner has organized a Jimplin Collection, which includes an old book by Doctor Seuss titled Mustard Mayhem!, in which a villain steals Who Gregory’s prized Grey Poupon the night before his fancy photoshoot.

“I appreciate the gesture, but Rauner’s collection lacks heart,” remarked Loretta Lilithfaire. “Jimplin always wore his heart on his sleeve. He never actually wore a shirt, but that’s part of what made Jimplin Jimplin.”

At press time, Jimplin Greegs declined to comment and continued foraging for sustenance in the woods around his 5-story villa.

-SH ’23