Lame As Hell: Dartmouth Hall Renovations Finished Months Ago, The College Just Doesn’t Want Me Bonin’ All Over Its Steps

It’s a dog-eat-dog world, and Dartmouth’s lame ass admin doesn’t want me doggy doggin’ all over Dartmouth Hall’s steps. What’s new? 

Dartmouth Hall renovations have been cockblockin’ this old dog and his silent flute from finishing the Silver Seven for too many weeks now. Those shiny white walls, that green roof? Been keeping my tiny blue balls from speakin’ the truth. Truth is? I’m horned up and ready to GO. 

And you know what the worst part is? That sumbitch Hanlon knows it. He’s completely fine with me tossin’ the hot dog down the hallway on his lawn. I’ve been puttin’ bananas in a fruit salad on Hanlon’s lawn since I got here. He doesn’t even care. Dartmouth Hall is his holy grail of places you cannot and will not fuck on. He’s gonna keep that renovation going until the day he hands over the torch to some prude who won’t even expect me to be waiting, ass out, on his lawn the first day he’s home. 

I’ve spoken to the contractor. Nice fella. Said that there is no more work to do on Dartmouth Hall. Old Hanover Hanlon said keep the fences up for special circumstances. Now, I’ve sexed in Annex A, fucked in Annex B, sucked in 2FB, and been makin’ bacon in alllll the way on the 50 yard line. Top of the Hop? Just ‘cause there’s snow on the roof don’t mean there ain’t a fire in the basement. 

Do you want me to beg? I can beg. All I want is a 2-minute sling fest on Dartmouth Hall’s steps. Dear lord, please. I want to neck on them steps. I gotta finish the 7.

– CN’25 & DL ‘25