What Should I Expect On Sorority Bidet?

Dear Rho Gamma Jackie,

Thank you so much for guiding me through the rush process this term! I wanted to reach out and ask you some questions about Sorority Bidet tomorrow. 

You see, my mom’s always been a little secretive about her experiences in Greek Life during her time at Dartmouth. But she’s always told me about how Sorority Bidet was such a cleansing, relieving experience for her after the stress of rush, so naturally I started saving up for my own Sorority Bidet the day I got into Dartmouth!

I’m not sure whether Sorority Bidets are traditionally whole toilets or just the seats, but when I asked my girlfriends about what kind of Sorority Bidet they were getting, they all played dumb! They basically gaslit me and only said stuff like “what are you talking about?” and “why would I buy a bidet?”, which honestly really hurt since they were lying to me just to get ahead on their own Sorority Bidet plans. I didn’t realize the rush process could be so toxic and competitive at times, but I’m committed to making the most out of it! I decided to spread some positivity by inviting my real friends to come bidet shopping with me and my Uncle Martin, though they all seemed to be busy that day.

But anyway, Uncle Martin drove his Acura here all the way from Concord last weekend to help me pick something out at the West Leb Home Depot, but then I started getting decision paralysis so he just got me to play it safe and buy both a TOTO S550e Washlet Electric Heated Bidet Toilet Seat and an ANZZI ENVO Aura Elongated Smart Bidet Toilet with a Remote and Auto Flush…do you think I could get that factored into my financial aid for dues later on since I wasn’t expecting to buy two? Maybe it was a bit careless of me to go along with Uncle Martin’s plan since he obviously doesn’t know much about all this girl stuff, but I think he had the right idea since I can’t risk getting the wrong bidet after making it this far in rush!

I personally felt the ANZZI Smart Bidet best represented who I am, but it’d be so embarrassing if everyone else only showed up with TOTOs because the ANZZIs are weird and ugly and their bowls are too fat for the house. Ugh. Though, just to be sure that both my Sorority Bidets reflect my personality no matter which one my new sisters pick, I decided to order a Bedazzler kit from Amazon so I could decorate them with the letters of my new house! Do you think that’s a tasteful choice, or would it come off as a bit too much? I’m super excited to finally affiliate, but I don’t want to make too big of a splash.

Thanks!

Bedelia Spreyson

—LA ’25