I Used Every Campus Bathroom in ONE DAY! This Isn’t a Ranking I Have Serious Medical Problems Guys!

1. No like seriously guys, I don’t know what happened. Was it something I ate last night? I woke up and I had to go so so so bad, so I rushed out of my dorm and barely made it to the bathroom before I-
2. I could feel it bubbling while I walked to my 10a, but I couldn’t be late since I already missed the last class, but oh god I had to present that day, so I thought I should probably go just one more time, so I just took a quick bathroom break, and it was supposed to be quick, but no it was more than I ever thought could ever fit in my-
3. I got about halfway through the presentation before it arrived again, and I shoved my professor out of the way to get out but the bathroom I used before was being cleaned so I had to rush up the stairs and had to be careful not to spill any-
4. I was talking to my friend after class and I was trying to be normal and casual but she asked what’s wrong and I knew it must be showing on my face and I didn’t know what to say so I just pushed her out of the way and rushed to the collis bathroom and like mount vesuvius i was spewing-
5. I thought I got it all out of my system and I didn’t eat anything just to be sure, but when I was studying on 3fb it just came back, and I tried to go downstairs but no no no I couldn’t do stairs again so I had to go to the 3fb bathroom and I think everyone heard my-
6. I was just hiding in a foco bathroom stall just in case it happened again when this lady came in and knocked on the door and told me she needed to clean the bathroom, andIjust said “please you don’t understand I can’t leave,” and she said “I’ll come back later when you’re ready” but will I ever be ready will this ever end and then I cried.
7. I was walking by the construction trying to clear my mind of all the pain and shame when it happened again and I had to rush past a worker to use their porta potty and then the excavator tipped the whole stall and it was like a metaphor for my whole life cause I was drowning in-
8. I was trying to go to Dick’s House to fix my broken broken little body, but as soon as I walked in, I needed to go, so I rushed to the bathroom, and I don’t know what happened, but I think I broke the toilet, and then someone came in and started yelling at me, and even when I told them I needed medical help, they kicked me out for being such a stinky stinker-
9. I woke up at 2 am, and it was already upon me. Like seriously, like forty percent out of me already, so I got up and rushed out, but all the stalls on my floor were taken, so I tried the girls’ bathroom, but all those stalls were taken, and I couldn’t go up the stairs not again never again, so I ran out of the hall and deep into the woods, and now I’m writing this while I fertilize the shit outta this tree.
10. I decided to end it all, I can’t take it anymore. I went on a woccom not around the pond but right to the very bottom of it. If it’s good enough for the fishies, it’s good enough for me. This is how I’m going to spend the rest of my life I think, just under all this water pushing it out eternally like a shitty Atlas. Fuck i shouldn’t have had so many cough drops at once.

— CT ’26