Forced to Hold Original Conversations after Winterim, Dartmouth Students Panic

HANOVER, NH. — Week 3 of winter term is nearly over, and Dartmouth students now face the mind-numbing, existential dread that comes with no longer being able to ask other students about their winter break.

Emma Chadwick ’21 reports having been the first to sense the death of the beloved question. “It’s Friday of Week 3. Winterim is so, like, last year. Why is this chick from my freshman seminar asking me about my break?”

Gradually, the rest of campus has begun to catch on; it is no longer cool or interesting to ask about someone’s winter vacation. But now a serious issue lies before Dartmouth community: how should one start a conversation?

“I’m not a poet,” remarked William Grant, ’22. “What am I supposed to say when I see someone? Something original? Something specifically catered towards the person I’m talking to? Don’t be ridiculous.”

Some students have taken the news worse than others. Unable to initiate any form of casual dialogue without asking about winter break, Sarah Michaels ’23 stood face to face with her trip leader for a solid three minutes before bursting into tears and running away earlier this week.

While many are currently mourning the loss of their precious opener, others have embraced the change of topic. “I was running out of ways to tell people that I did absolutely nothing over break,” reported James Snyder ’23. “Now I can finally discuss how lazy I am when I’m at school.”

Although most students are coping by returning to their usual habit of saying nothing to anyone who isn’t in their social circle, some have sought new, more exciting icebreakers to bolster their daily exchanges, including but not limited to: “where are you living this term?”, “what classes are you taking?”, and “what are you doing for spring break?”

-FH ’23