Why Are You Worried About That W On Your Transcript?

Do you even know what a W means? W is for Win. W-I-N, bro. Yeah, that’s right. You fucking won the course. You were just too good!

That professor was crying after the discussion. Tears of joy. You contributed so much key insight that they couldn’t take it. The knowledge was so deep it was drilling into their skull and giving everyone in the room a headache. They all crawled out of there begging for mercy. Please, please! Anything if you spare us! You are truly just so good at school bro. That internship interview you’ve got later is gonna go so good if they ask about your transcript. You’ve got a story of pure victory to tell. Total conquest. Utter triumph. Complete landslide.

You knew so much that the professor just gave up on you. Told you to not even bother coming back to class in week 4 because you were just too good. Your problem set was so immaculate it blinded the TA when they opened it. The light just came out of the screen and straight up KOed them.

Bam!

Pow!

Smack!

Just like that! You were so good they had to call an ambulance for that poor TA.

Your mom is worried too? Heard something about you struggling last term and now she wants to check in? C’mon man. Are you kidding me? That’s not true. You were too busy winning. Bagging that W. Ka-ching! Making bank! You didn’t have time to struggle. All you do is win bro. Tell her that. If she doesn’t understand, well then I guess she just doesn’t know what winning is like. Damn, imagine having never won before? Imagine not having a big, fat, juicy W on your transcript as your badge of honor. What the fuck man. That must really suck. Keep your head up.

— TL ’24