There once was a shmob who hung out with Ty I don’t know why they hung out with Ty Perhaps they’ll die. There once was a shmob who hung out with Kate Kate was going…

FACT: The average summer temperature in Hanover is 80 degrees. However, it is never within 20 degrees of actually being that temperature FACT: Dartmouth students want what they don’t have (FoCo, Tubestock, significant other), and…

Five Things Famous Historical Figures Did to Get Out of the Heat Marry a frigid woman (Bill Clinton) Get “lost” on your way to the South Pole (Ernest Shackleton) “Live” in Nepal (Tenzing Norgay) Retire…

1. There once was a Jacko weekly, Finished, but so very meekly, Just awful it was, Especially ’cause, They’re usually written so chicly. 2. Thinking the Rapture was coming, I started in on a-strumming My…

1. The Rapture has two drinking games: (Easy version): drink every time the world ends. (Hard version): drink every time the world doesn’t end 2. How we prepared for the Rapture (didn’t make out with…

by Natta Goodman In light of the recent non-apocalypse, I have turned to the bible to seek solace in a world torn apart by religion.  I was surprised to learn that the book was not filled…

(A long, long silence, as Angelo and Brumhilda hover over vast trays of mashed potatoes and turkey. No students are in sight, despite the fact that it is 6:30. Angelo grows anxious) Angelo: What’s goin’…

1. The phrase “Green Key” will start sounding an awful lot like “Drinking.” As in, “I LOVE GREEN KEEEEEY!” 2. You watch a ’99 alum complete a Dartmouth Decade… of the 90’s… 3. In the…

1.  Winning a thunderdome is always a pyrrhic victory. 2.  This doesn’t mean it is not worth undertaking. 3.  Develop a frivolous crush on at least one person in each of your classes. This gives…

Monday: in honor of Green Key Weekend, we present a retro dish our alums are sure to enjoy: leftover chicken from 1976! Topped with tons of (maybe) fresh  gravy! ***Have extra DBA? Don’t worry, it’ll soon…