The Ghost Writer
Bob sat awake, watching jagged silhouettes bounce across the window of his New England townhouse. A frigid breeze wafted from beneath his bedroom door. The night was spooky. It was creepy. It was…oh, who knew…
Articles by Jacko
Hamlet: Director’s Cut Bonus Content
The following is an excerpt from a recently discovered, alternate manuscript of William Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Act 5, Scene 2, Line 317: Queen: No, no, the drink, the drink! O my dear Hamlet! The drink, the…
Pop Music Haikus
Made T-Swift’s career But Beyonce’s still better Bush hates black people -Kanye West I drummed so hardcore Can no longer wipe my ass Can’t make this shit up -Phil Collins Need glitter in eyes Plus…
Free Time
I like to sell my old textbooks on Amazon. I like to keep my prices low to entice new customers. I like to stick a post-it note on the inside cover of each book, wishing…
Inspiring and Noteworthy Quotes From People With A Less-Than-Adequate Command of the English Language
“You already did good if you, like, tried to do it good but didn’t.” “The only way to get more better at something is to do it alot and alot so then you can get…
Uncomfortable Crayon Colors
Gender-Ambivalent Mauve Domestic Abuse Rouge It’s-Probably-Syphilis Saffron Malignant Tumor Diagnosis Taupe Latino Immigrant Burnt Mahogany Colostomy Bag Chestnut Rejected-from-Yale Dartmouth Green Suicide Awareness Umber Bargain Bin Macaroni and Cheese Uncleared Browser History Periwinkle “You’re Actually…
15 Beginner Guitar Songs That More Effectively Get You Laid Than "Wonderwall"
Wonderful Tonight – Eric Clapton Your Body is a Wonderland – John Mayer What a Wonderful World – Louis Armstrong Little Wonders – Rob Thomas 8th World Wonder – Kimberly Locke Makes Me Wonder –…
How To Ooze Sex Appeal
People often ask me, “How do you look so effortless?” To be honest, I just don’t put in the slightest bit of effort! Just let the world see the Real You! Continue reading for my…
Things Are Going Well
Dear Mom, I am writing this so you know that I’m still alive and doing well. College is great -classes are going well, but it’s a lot of work. Don’t worry, I’m still sleeping and…
Extree! Extree! New Issue Completed!
No One Wins In Actual Landslide! Dr. Seuss Still Dead! Kim Last Seen Jumping Train Westward With Briefcase Full Of Gold! These stories and more to come in our long-overdue issue of: The Dartmovth –…
My Advertising Campaign
Dear Six Flags Advertising Executives, You are likely already familiar with my work from prior portfolio submissions (I hope they weren’t lost in the mail) so I won’t waste time on pleasantries. Attached, you will…
Competitive Leisure
In this dog-eat-dog, rat-racing world, there’s no time for not giving a shit. Let your blood pressure drop below 150/100 and you’re dead. There are people better than you. And you can’t afford to not…