Sheath of Choice
A piece of Harry Potter slash fiction by Mysterious Harry Potter Fan ’13 The Sorting Hat lay in his usual pose, lazily crumpled up on his shelf in Dumbledore’s office. He did what he always…
Articles by Jacko
A Day In The Life of A Dartmouth Student: Keggy
by Amanda Young ’15 10:00 a.m. Rough morning. Keggy falls overs walking to the Life Sciences Center for Geography 23, Recycling at the Big Green: Reusing Keystone Light Cans. 12:45 p.m. Keggy enjoys a hearty…
The Goth Comes of Age
I stare in the mirror at my whiskers, unshaven, The solemn hue of a sinister raven. Try as I may, I cannot erase The inner darkness coming out of my face. Oh, my soul was…
A Brief History of Our Nation’s Leaders and Their Skills in Pong
by Alex Procton ’15 Since the dawn of time, man has sought to enhance competitive game-playing with alcohol, and our own United States of America is no exception. The history of pong in the US…
As the Green Turns
Professor Ruiz motioned to the board sensuously with his pointer. His thick Mexican accent cut through the dense Calculus jargon like a warm knife through a ripe mango. “Class, can anyone tell me the answer…
Nursery Crimes
“Jack and Jill” Jack and Jill went up the hill To fetch a pail of water Jack fell down and broke his crown And Jill came tumbling after Now Jack and Jill took quite a…
Mixed Drinks for Your Mixed-Up Lives
Rocks on the Rocks on the Rocks on the Rocks Ingredients: 1 member of the Rockapellas ice Instructions: 1. Invite a member of the Rockapellas on a date to the Velvet Rocks hiking trail. 2….
Chocolate Bar Names by Genre
Female Porn Stars: Baby Ruth KitKat Peppermint Pattie Mounds Snickers Male Porn Stars: Mr. Goodbar 3 Musketeers Almond Joy Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Sex Techniques: the Milky Way the Butterfinger the Twix the Charleston Chew…
Five Things: Homecoming Edition
Five Adorable Things to do During Homecoming 1. Complete the Dartmouth High-Fiving Decade (high-five a member of ten consecutive class years) 2. Caress the Fire. Like an infant. 3. Just ask for mixed drinks. Oh,…
The Case of the Bomp in the Bomp Bah-Bomp
by Matt Garczynski ’14 It was nights like this. When I’d tell myself I’m never working this beat again. But as I’d quickly find out, tonight wasn’t any other night. Wish I’d have known before…
Pictures and Words
The Sated Gourmand: Parts II and III
Part II: Two Weeks Later Doug Feltz, food critic, sits in the dining room of La Vida, a Mexican-Armenian gourmet bistro, visibly shaken. He is wiping copious amount of his flopsweat on the tablecloth. He tries…