Nursery Crimes
“Jack and Jill” Jack and Jill went up the hill To fetch a pail of water Jack fell down and broke his crown And Jill came tumbling after Now Jack and Jill took quite a…
Articles by Jacko
Mixed Drinks for Your Mixed-Up Lives
Rocks on the Rocks on the Rocks on the Rocks Ingredients: 1 member of the Rockapellas ice Instructions: 1. Invite a member of the Rockapellas on a date to the Velvet Rocks hiking trail. 2….
Chocolate Bar Names by Genre
Female Porn Stars: Baby Ruth KitKat Peppermint Pattie Mounds Snickers Male Porn Stars: Mr. Goodbar 3 Musketeers Almond Joy Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Sex Techniques: the Milky Way the Butterfinger the Twix the Charleston Chew…
Five Things: Homecoming Edition
Five Adorable Things to do During Homecoming 1. Complete the Dartmouth High-Fiving Decade (high-five a member of ten consecutive class years) 2. Caress the Fire. Like an infant. 3. Just ask for mixed drinks. Oh,…
The Case of the Bomp in the Bomp Bah-Bomp
by Matt Garczynski ’14 It was nights like this. When I’d tell myself I’m never working this beat again. But as I’d quickly find out, tonight wasn’t any other night. Wish I’d have known before…
Pictures and Words
The Sated Gourmand: Parts II and III
Part II: Two Weeks Later Doug Feltz, food critic, sits in the dining room of La Vida, a Mexican-Armenian gourmet bistro, visibly shaken. He is wiping copious amount of his flopsweat on the tablecloth. He tries…
Keggy’s Blog, 10/11
Hello loyal Keggy supporters, We are pleased to say that Keggy, in a fit of political rage, decided to announce his candidacy for President. We’re not exactly sure if that meant “President of Dartmouth,” “Official…
An Ode to My Penis
by Floyd Gibbons ’15 A few days ago, as many of you know, I lost my best friend in the whole wide world. I speak of course, of My Penis. I can’t remember a time…
The Sated Gourmand: Part I
Doug Feltz, food critic, wipes the flop sweat from his forehead. He is sitting in the dining room of Le Gaz, a French-Vietnamese molecular gastronomy cafeteria he has come here to review. The wait staff…
Farewell to Nova Scotia, you sea-bound coast!
Coming to Dartmouth from Hawai’i has been an experience rife with surprises. Primarily were the icy winter conditions. No longer at a steady 80oF smelling and feeling like the inside of a tropical greenhouse, I…
Interior Decorating Tips for Evil Overlords
by Alex Procton ’15 So, you’ve subjugated a race, nation, or planet of humans or other sentient beings. Time to begin your despotic rule over their lives! But first, have you set up an evil…