Feb. 29 Exclusive: Addie Perkins’s 21st Birthday Bash
Addie Perkins, 21, of Rochester, NY, is excited for her birthday party tonight — and even more excited to try alcohol for the first time! “It feels like all of my friends turned 21, like,…
Uncategorized
The Power of Charisma: An Inquiry into First Year Trips Croo
Applications for First Year Trips Croo just opened, and it is a highly sought after bunch. Each year, a select group of students take on the task of welcoming the incoming class to our beloved…
Top 6 Ways To Subtly Brag About Your Vitamin D Deficiency During Winter Term
6. Wouldn’t it be crazy to like, have Vitamin D in your system? I personally can’t imagine it. 5. Seasonal depression goes so hard when you have a Vitamin D deficiency. I’m all, “ooh sad,”…
Sororities to Adopt More Equitable “Golden Ticket” Rush Process
Campus is abuzz this week with the typical chaos of rush sweeping through. While this is an exciting time for some, the annoyances of computerized algorithms, petty grudges against potential new members, and an overall…
Dartmouth to Right Historical Wrong by Removing All Housing
While Dartmouth College now strives to embrace diversity and equality, this has not always been the case. In a particularly egregious example, Dartmouth denied housing to its black students, forcing them to find off campus…
BREAKING: Nuclear Codes to be Replaced with Duo Push
WASHINGTON — In a press release, the Joint Chiefs of Staff announced today that all prior nuclear weapons authorization systems will be replaced with a secure two-factor authentication protocol via Duo Push. “In this time…
Student Consulting Groups Begin Downsizing Each Other
Amid a year of sparse project opportunities, the student consulting groups at Dartmouth have begun looking for alternative ways to do free labor without volunteering in the community. After hearing these complaints from members of…
Letter From A ’27 To Her Mother: My Very First Fraternity Party!
November 2, 2023 Dear Mother, Last night I attended my very first fraternity party. Oh what fun it was! The lights, the dancing, the action! Good mother, you should have seen it. There I was,…
Looking to Fulfill Some Distributives? Fulfill Them All With the SUPER CLASS
After years of students scrambling to meet distributive requirements before they graduate, the Dartmouth College Registrar has finally found a solution. With the new SUPER CLASS, all distributives can be met over the course of…
Monologue of a Homecoming Bonfire Chair
A bonfire is an engine of destruction. Architecture and chemistry combined, ravenous for a spark so they might eat away at everything around them, licking and swallowing and always hungry for more. I took this…
Dartmouth Political Union Announces that Excess Liz Cheney Attendees Will be Redirected to Alternative BDSM Speaker Liz Chainey
On Monday morning, the Dartmouth Political Union issued a statement on the Democracy summit. “We’re so happy that Dartmouth students are signing up in droves to attend Liz Cheney’s address at the Democracy Summit,” said…
“What if Speed Dating Men Wasn’t Gay?” Asks Frat Bro About to Invent Rush
I like men. But not like, like that. I don’t wanna kiss them or cuddle them or go on Zillow and choose a dream house in Malibu that’d be absolutely perfect for raising our adopted…