Why ruin a close friendship with sex when you can just as easily ruin a long-distance one? Follow these steps to quickly turn that pen pal into a you-know-what buddy:
- Get back in touch. Haven’t written since that grade school in-class assignment? No problem! All that time away was perfect for letting the sexual tension swell. You’ve kept your pen pal waiting. Now they’re interested.
- Ask about your pen pal’s hobbies, interests, and if they’re a top or bottom.
- Talk about all the ways people have sex where you’re from. Ask about all the ways they have sex where they’re from. Do they have sex clockwise or counter-clockwise?
- Teach your pen pal English slang. “Jump bones,” “want the D,” and “get your beej sleejed” are all phrases they can use with a friend. Specifically you.
- Say you would like to meet them someday. You could go out to restaurants, visit tourist sites, and rawdog on the top bunk of a dimly lit hostel room.
- Remind your pen pal that you will be having a one-time no-strings-attached fuckfest and will never have to lay eyes on each other again. And do they like pizza?
- Enclose a one-way ticket to the airport nearest you. Wait.
Hi I was just looking for a person to talk to about some of my sexual fantasies. I’m a middle aged man from Texas. I have brown hair (lots of it and none gray yet) I’m looking for a female that I can write back and forth with bout our sexual desires. Females only please. I’ll be waiting on you fervently!